On Being Brave

Being brave is like being a tadpole. You’re  swimming along at the bottom of a pond and suddenly you realize you have legs. Do you stay in the water, where you know you’ll be safe, or bob to the surface and peek around before trying your new legs out? Nature decides for the tadpole, but in this metaphor YOU get to decide. Stay in safety or take the risk?

Growing up is hard. Doing the adult thing, making adult choices, taking responsibility for all your actions. Child-you is trying to convince Adult-you to keep things simple, why get out when you can just stay in? But you do it anyway, even if others don’t agree. Because that’s part of growing up. Realizing that not everyone will agree with the choices you make and might even be disappointed with them, but they are still your choices.  We just have to be brave enough to own them.  

The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.
-Coco Chanel

Growing up in a Christian family has its pros and cons. But one thing I never learned to do well growing up was ask questions. God has all the answers, so why should I bother creating conflict when He’s already got it all figured out? Wrong! Life isn’t like Sunday school where the answer is a Bible verse you memorize when you were two. People have questions and that’s okay. We shouldn’t let fear keep us from asking questions or from finding our own answers. Being a young twenty-something is the epitome of having nothing  but questions.  How do I file taxes, how do I fix my leaky faucet, how do I tell my parents that I’m definitely not a republican?

A year ago I would have been the tadpole that grew into a frog but was too afraid to get out of the water. I would have been content to stay beneath the ripples, conflict free. But I don’t want to be that tadpole anymore, I want to own my adult life and be MYSELF. I want to be brave enough to ask questions, and make adult decisions, knowing full well I’ll have to take responsibility for the consequences. And I think I can do that. Can you?

With a little courage, I think we can all be frogs together.

I’m a Rambling Man

This week I went to my  first mindfulness meditation workshop. It was just an introduction, so we weren’t meditating the whole time, but it was a lot different than I’d thought it would be. I’ve been to multiple meditation-y type things over the course of my life, and I have found that I’m not very good at it. I pride myself on being a decent listener, so I know I can focus when I need to, but when it comes to meditation I feel like Dug from up.

Mindfulness meditation is different from other meditations I’ve tried in that it forces you to focus on the present, what is happening now. In the session I went to, we were told to focus on our body, specifically the breath. I really liked this because it gave me something substantial to focus on rather than emptying myself of everything. I felt like I was in control. But even having something to focus on, I was all over the place. My mind turned into cooked spaghetti! Every thought led to a different thought, which led to a quote from Pride and Prejudice, which led to why I should definitely try on a regency-styled dress before I die, which led to women in literature, which led to why Frozen has such a great soundtrack, but bad character development, which led to crap, I should be counting my breaths, I need to let this go….haha, let it go…and I’ll rise like the break of dawn….And there I went again.

Eventually I opened my eyes and focused on a spot on the floor as well as on my breathing so that my mind would shut up. Apparently I need multiple things to keep my mind focused on one thing. I’m all for being comfortable in silence with others (and when I’m in a good place I can even be quiet with myself), but I need to work on being comfortable in complete silence with myself. The combination of audio and visual silence is a lot of silence for the brain. Silence is golden, but hit someone with a stick of gold and you know how hard it is.

I breathe in, my body is calm.
I breathe out, I am going to be okay.

Keeping your mind focused on the present is a great way to minimize stress. Why stress about things that might never happen? Worried about seeing your ex? You’re not seeing him now so stop worrying, worry when you see him. Worried about a paper that hasn’t been assigned yet, but will determine your grade? There’s nothing you can do right now, so let it go until there is something you can do. What if you don’t graduate, what if you can’t find a job, what if, what if, what if.

I breathe in, my body is calm.
I breathe out, I am going to be okay.

Focus on the now. Focus on your body. It is alive. Breathe in, breathe out.
We are going to be okay.

On Being Alright

Sometimes I get the impression that being weird is a negative thing. With all the magazines sporting covers with perfect looking women and men in trendy outfits and fancy lipstick, being just me can feel…lame. But recently I’ve been seeing a trend emerging that I really like. Mindy Kaling, Jennifer Lawrence, and the TV show Girls are all things I’ve been seeing around and watching recently and those people all embrace their quirky personalities, they embrace themselves. And that is really a great message to have out there. No matter who you are or what you like, own who you are and what makes you happy inside. We are all just random pieces of stuff that somehow fit together to make a person.

Sometimes I dress like a hobo, sometimes I feel naked without make-up on my face, I listen to music incessantly on repeat, I know all the lyrics to every Disney song, I write over-dramatic poetry about nature, I am very indecisive, sometimes I like peas and sometimes I hate them, I have way too many shoes, I listen to both pop music and The Moldy Peaches, I am most at home in the country but I’ve always wanted to live in NYC, I drink too much red wine, I always leave my phone in the car, I thrive on dark chocolate and my life will never be complete until I have a dog.

These things used to make me feel less cool, less proud of myself, but as this new year keeps on, I’m finally beginning to accept myself. Yeah, I still have a long way to go, but I don’t think this journey stops until we’re dead, so as long as I keep walking, keep improving, I think I’m doing alright.

What about you?

End of Year Goals

• Go to DC for spoken word/open mics
• Marathon Classic Who
• Yoga
• Drink more water
• Make crepes
• Ice Skating
• Connect with high school friends
• Read more poetry
• Organize school schedule
• Tests for education major
• Focus on what makes me happy

Choosing Joy

If I had to pick a theme song for my life right now, it would probably be When Will My Life Begin, sung by  Mandy Moore, AKA Rapunzel. She seems to understand exactly what I’m going through. Well, I’m not locked in a tower by my creepy, controlling mother, but I am wondering when my life will do something besides wave at me as it passes by.

With all this I’ve realized how important it is to choose joy everyday. It can mean so many different things for so many different people, but for me it means looking for little things that make me smile, remembering when I see them and being aware that I was happy, if only for a brief second. It also means looking up pictures of baby ducks and hot guys, therefore this is turning into a THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY MASTER POST.

• Bare feet
• Mr. Darcy
• Buying sweaters
• Knowing all the words to a song

• Singing in the shower
• Sunny days
• Family
• Tumblr

• Mason jars
• Massages
• Climbing trees
• Disney

• Cashmere Glow (perfume)
• The country
• Good hair days
• Rainbow knee socks

• Spontaneity
• Fall boots
• Pick-up trucks
• Finding things on sale

• Gel pens
• The smell of real leather
• Bubble baths
• Dance parties

It’s hard to think about growing up when you’re right in the middle of doing it. It’s hard to know what you want. Sometimes there are so many voices in your head it’s difficult to know which of them is yours.

-Kevin Brooks

Whatever you happen to be going through, good or bad,  know that looking for joy is a choice and you have the power to make it. Don’t let a creepy, controlling mother keep you locked in the metaphorical tower of your life–use the resources you have (even if you don’t have long hair that glows when you sing) and find joy.

Do you have a go-to thing you do when you’re down? Got any advice on how to beat the blues? Respond in the comments! I hope my list made you smile and that you have a WONDERFUL week.

 

From Blurry to Focused

The school year has officially started and we have to begin remembering what it means to focus on homework and grades rather than summer jobs and suntans. Not only is this year the first year in which I’ve only had one class MWF, but it’s also the first year I’ve lived in an apartment! In appreciation of this great development, my photo is of the gorgeous bouquet my roommate’s mom gave us for our dining room table.

[Click on the picture for better resolution]

Things in the background are usually brushed aside or blurred out, but I oftentimes realize that it’s those things in the background usually are the most interesting. I love the dark purple-y outline where the pink flower kisses the green and I love the way the pink fades as the petals reach out. I love the way the stem bends almost at a ninety degree angle because the flower wants to see what the wooden table looks like and I love the way it doesn’t seem to mind that the red and yellow flowers are in front, faces lifted up towards the camera. It is in the background that true stories are told, masks are removed and real life happens.

This year at school my goal, well, one of them, is to try and focus on the stuff in the background–hot showers, bare feet, quiet time, a good nights sleep, stuff that I would usually brush off as not-super-important-or-interesting. I want my life to be genuine and real, even if that means I get to be all blurry in someone else’s background.

What are some of your goals for this upcoming year? Have you ever noticed anything particularly interesting in the background? Let me know what you think in the comments and happy Monday!